


Lost in Translation

by LissyStrata



Category: Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: alien wackiness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-10 17:36:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4401122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LissyStrata/pseuds/LissyStrata
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The TARDIS's translation circuit is sabotaged by small, furry aliens. Then it all goes downhill from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Warm Welcome

**Author's Note:**

> Written for part of the One-Era challenge (http://unwillingadventurer.tumblr.com/post/27416841428/we-wanna-do-one-of-those-thirty-day-challenges) This involves a few things I would have liked to see in One's serials.

Barbara was starting to think that it didn't matter _where_ they travelled, they would always end up in some bizarre predicament. Usually, they ended up separated from the TARDIS or captured or something else.

Today, they were captured on an alien planet inhabited by talking possums. Business as usual.

The whole situation was ridiculous. The largest of the possums didn't even come up to Barbara's knees. It was only the nasty-looking crossbows that they wielded that kept the four travellers walking with their hands up. That, and two of them had managed to jump onto her and Susan's shoulders and had tiny knives aimed at their throats.

It was slow going through the forest, mostly because it was nighttime, but the possums seemed to be able to see in the dark perfectly well. The trees on this planet were huge, with trunks as big around as houses, and branches and fallen logs blocked the path. Barbara ducked under a particularly low branch and cringed as she felt the possum's scratchy little feet dig into her skin. A paw grabbed her ear as it tried to maintain its balance.

Eventually they emerged in the middle of a street in a city that was practically carved into the forest. Small catwalks criss-crossed overhead; little market stalls and vending carts lined the road; hundreds of other possums milled about alone and in groups. Miniature lanterns adorned the "buildings", looking very much like fairy lights, and threw off a dim glow. The whole city was built to a small scale, making Barbara feel a bit like a giant. One of the armed possums scurried ahead to clear a path, but it wasn't necessary. As soon as they had appeared, the inhabitants of the city moved aside on their own. Some of them squeaked in fright and ran indoors. Others stopped to watch in awe.

They were marched through the street, now silent except for the odd whisper, and into one of the larger trees. Conveniently, it had a set of double-doors large enough for a human to crawl through. On the inside, they found it had been hollowed out to resemble a basketball court, of all things. It was darker inside, but it was at least big enough for them to stand upright, although Ian had to stoop slightly. Once they were inside, their furry captors quickly dropped to all fours and ran outside, slamming the door shut. The Doctor produced a torch from his pocket and checked to see that Susan was unscathed. 

Barbara shuddered and rubbed at the spot on her shoulder where her possum had been, trying to brush off the prickly feeling. "Ugh!" she exclaimed.

"Are you all right?" asked Ian.

"We're surrounded by giant _rats,_ Ian!" 

"They looked more like possums to me..."

"Giant rodents, then."

"Marsupials, actually."

"Oh, Ian!"

"That's quite enough from the both of you!" the Doctor snapped. "Now, what are we to do here, hmm? They'll be guarding the big door, and it doesn't look like we'll be able to fit through any of these other exits. It would appear that we're to wait." 

Ian was examining their makeshift cell. "Odd sort of place. I didn't think possums did sport."

The Doctor scoffed. "Of course not! At least not on Earth. These aren't possums, Chesterfield. They are an alien race that bears a striking resemblance to an Earth mammal, but they're an entirely different species." He flicked his torch around the room. Ian made an exasperated sort of face. "Getting back to the matter at hand, I'm in no mood to play prisoner. Susan, come over here for a moment, will you?"

Susan tried one of the smaller doors, but she couldn't even get her shoulders through. There were a few windows embedded into the wood, but they didn't seem to open. Ian suggested that they just break down the big doors and make a run for it, but the Doctor pointed out that a large crowd had gathered outside. Even though they were much larger than the locals, they could still be overpowered. Barbara didn't care as long as they were able to leave as quickly as possible.

Suddenly, Susan gave an exclamation of surprise and pointed at one of the walls. In the half-lit gloom, they hadn't noticed the small balcony carved into it at about chest height, with a little door leading into another room. A small white possum wearing a blue scarf had been watching them from the doorway, but squeaked and ducked back in once they turned to look at it.

"Hello?" Ian asked. "Is someone there?"

The Doctor stepped forward and carefully rapped on the door. "I'd like a word with whoever is in charge around here."

The door opened again. The white possum was pushed through by another one and the door slammed shut. Frantically, it tried to run back inside, but the door was held closed. After a few moments, it stopped and turned around. There was a moment of silence, then it flung out its little arms and cried "Erm...GREETINGS, ALIENS! MY...NAME...IS...MAUDE! WELCOME... TO...BEKBERRY! WE...ARE...POSSUMS! WE...MEAN YOU...NO...HARM!"

Maude's greeting was punctuated with elaborate hand gestures to make sure her audience fully understood the message. Ian rubbed at his ear. For such a small thing, she certainly had a set of lungs! 

"Good evening, Maude," said the Doctor, passing his torch to Susan. "I am the Doctor. This is Ian, Barbara, and Susan. You don't need to shout. I assure you we can hear you perfectly well."

Maude visibly relaxed. "Sorry about that. I've never initiated first contact before!"

"Quite all right, my dear. First contact, you say?"

"Oh, yes! You're the first aliens we've ever had around here."

"Really?" 

"First official ones, at least. You never know who's been visiting...Anyway! They've sent me to greet you because I've got more experience in these sorts of things," said Maude proudly.

"So you're an ambassador?" asked Ian. 

The possum shuffled a bit awkwardly. "Not exactly. I'm actually the best-selling science-fiction author in the country. Like I said, we don't get aliens around here, especially not giant bald ones." Realising that she might have inadvertently insulted them, she hastily backpedalled. "Not that there's anything wrong with being bald. I hear it's a good look for some people. And it's not like you're entirely without. You've still got a little bit of lovely fur on your heads. Isn't that nice?" 

Susan silently convulsed with giggles. "Anyway, nobody knows what to do with you. I'm the only one who's spent enough time thinking about these scenarios so, well, I'm here!" She clapped her paws together in a getting-down-to-business sort of way. "Now, I'm sure you all have all sorts of alien-y things to do, but before we let you go running amok, I'm supposed to ask if you come in peace."

"Yes, yes, we do," said the Doctor.

"No plans on taking over the planet, or abducting anyone, or destroying the world?" (This time it was Ian who had to stifle laughter.)

"Of course not!"

She narrowed her eyes and fixed him with as piercing a stare as she could muster. "...promise?"

"My dear," said the Doctor with the utmost charm, "I assure you, my friends and I have no hostile intentions whatsoever towards this planet or its people. We are merely travellers. We arrived here by chance, and we can be gone in a moment's notice if we are unwelcome here."

"Good! One moment..." Maude scurried back to the door, opened it a ways, and called out "They're peaceful!" A cheer arose from within as she closed the door and came back to the edge of the balcony. "Well, that's taken care of. Any questions so far?"

"May I ask why we've been arrested? We were minding our own business when your people surrounded us and forced us here."

"Just a precaution. It's partially my fault."

"How so?" 

"You see, in my most recent book I wrote about an eerily similar situation. Giant aliens in a blue space box that appears out of nowhere. Part of a trilogy; it's got two sets of warring invaders, a hero from the stars, lots of adventure. Wrote it based on an old story that's been around for a while. Anyway, it's quite popular now and everyone's imagination is running wild. Here, let me show you!" She dashed back into the tree and reappeared a few moments later with a copy of the book, which she handed to Susan. "There. You can keep that if you like. Everyone says it's really good..." 

The picture on the cover was of a blue box that bore a striking resemblance to the TARDIS.

***

"You know, Barbara? I think this is the best reception we've ever had." said Ian.

After Maude had finished with her questions, she then introduced them to the Mayor, the Chief of Police, and the head of the Parent-Teacher Association. It had taken well over an hour, but eventually the Doctor had managed to convince them all that they had no desires to incite political unrest, conquer the planet, or corrupt the children. Once that business was out of the way, the possums turned out to be surprisingly hospitable. To celebrate the arrival of the first extraterrestrial visitors to their planet, the locals had declared a spontaneous holiday and a festival was soon organised.

The planning committee only had the better part of the night to put it all together, but they managed it. A team of volunteers had arranged an elaborate banquet, set up an outdoor picnic area, and decorated the city with banners that proudly declared "WELCOME BALD ALIENS!" and "THEY COME IN PEACE!" (Although because it was such short notice, quite a few of them said things like "HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAUL!" and "HALF-PRICE, TODAY ONLY!") And once they'd realised that their visitors didn't have night vision, they'd obligingly lit up a few more lamps.

Barbara smiled as she sipped the fruity drink someone had poured for her. "Yes, I suppose it is nice. Though I don't think I'll ever get used to being the 'alien'." It wasn't just the appearance of the locals; it was also the fact that everything was built for creatures that were considerably smaller than humans. Part of the reason the festivities were being held outside was that the only building that could fit them was the community centre. The possums had tried to accommodate their guests, but the table they'd built for them was roughly child-sized and didn't have any chairs. "This is almost like being Gulliver in Liliput."

"I suppose next time we'll be visiting the planet of the giants, then?"

"Or the planet of the horses! Still, it feels a bit odd, having this big celebration just for us."

Susan peeled one of the colourful fruits they'd been given. "It's probably because they're fans of Grandfather." Ian gave her an incredulous look and she elaborated. "It's that book Maude wrote. I read it while we were waiting in the gym." (She'd read it so quickly that Barbara had a difficult time believing she hadn't just skimmed it.) "The way the aliens are described in the book look an awful lot like me and Grandfather, although she got my name wrong."

"Oh?"

"In the book, I'm called 'Sarah'".

Ian chuckled. "Must be taking a few artistic liberties." 

"I think so. She's even got Grandfather doing martial arts and wearing frills!" 

Barbara thumped Ian on the back as he choked on his drink. "Are Ian and I in the book, too?" asked Barbara. 

Susan shook her head. "No. And before you ask, we haven't been here before. I think Grandfather and I are going to come here in our future."

"That would explain why these children keep asking for his autograph. (It wasn't _that_ funny, Ian!) Hold on, if this is your future and we're not there..." Barbara almost didn't want to vocalise her thoughts, lest she jinxed something. "Do you think this means we make it home eventually?"

"Possibly. That, or..." Susan paused. There weren't many ways to tactfully explain that she could very well outlive her friends. Ian, however, was determined to be optimistic about things and insisted that it was a good sign. "There's something that's not quite right, though." Susan leaned forward, as if she were sharing a secret, "If Grandfather and I visit in their past, then how are you and I the first aliens they've ever met? It can't possibly be a coincidence, because Maude got lots of details right." 

They had no answer for that. Before they could discuss it further, another group of possums joined them at their table, curious about these visitors. ("Don't you get cold with no fur on?", "What happened to your tails?", "D'you know, it really is Paul's birthday. Say hello, Paul...") Susan met a possum who appeared to be her own age, called Philly, and she went off with him to met his friends.

Barbara thought it was remarkably similar to social gatherings back home, only furrier. They made small talk, asked about each other's lives, swapped stories... She noticed, with some amusement, that Ian was amiably letting the younger children hang from his fingers by their tails. He assured the parents that the kids weren't being a bother at all. Shortly after the group left their table, Ian nudged Barbara. "You seem to be doing better."

"Oh?"

"Well, a few hours ago, you were ready to leave this world and its...'overgrown rats', you said?"

"Marsupials, actually."

"I take it you've warmed up to our hosts? You aren't cringing so much when they come near."

"They're alright..." She hesitated.

He noticed. "They're alright, but...?"

"Promise you won't think I'm being silly?" He crossed his heart. "It's their feet that bother me." She looked up at him to gauge his reaction. "Oh, Ian, you promised!"

"I didn't say anything!" He held up his hands as if preparing for retaliation. "But honestly, their feet? After all the things we've seen and it's the _feet_ that-"

"They've got thumbs on all four of them! They've got thumbs, and feet like rats, and I don't like the thought of rodents crawling all over me!"

"Hey now, it's all right." Ian put a reassuring arm around her. "It's a perfectly reasonable response to...feet. And they did pull a knife on you, so..." They sat there for a few minutes, just enjoying each other's company.

"...bit silly, though..."

She threw a piece of grapefruit at him.

They saw Susan about a half hour later with two possums in her arm and one on each shoulder. "You remember Philly? This is Mimi, Skritter, and Nik-Nik." Her new friends waved enthusiastically. "We're going to have our picture drawn by Gustav!" she said cheerfully, nodding at a grizzled-looking old fellow across the crowd who was smoking a cigarette. 

"That will have to wait." They jumped, not realising that the Doctor was standing behind them  
with Maude on his shoulder. Barbara giggled at the sight of the possum-sized top hat he'd somehow acquired. He pretended not to notice. "It's almost sunup, and it's high time we should be getting back to the ship."

"Oh, Grandfather, can't we stay just a little longer?" asked Susan. Her new friends chimed in, insisting that it was much to early for them to go, and they hadn't even shown her the swinging vines yet.

"You really ought to," said Maude, "Apparently, word of your arrival's gotten all the way to the Capitol! The General's even coming out. Sadly, he's not a fan of science-fiction." She sniffed. The thought of it clearly rubbed her the wrong way. "Well, to each his own I suppose. Anyway, he's probably not going to take too kindly to you all being here, so you might as well spend the night in your box. But don't worry, we'll take care of him for you, and the mayor says you're all welcome to stay as long as you please!" 

Barbara had a nagging suspicion that whatever the issue with the General was, it wasn't as simple as Maude made it out to be. But if things started to go wrong, then at least the four of them would be safe in the ship and able to leave. So they said their good-nights and promised that they wouldn't rush off in the night. (After all, it wasn't every day that they received so warm a welcome.) Maude "escorted" them back to the TARDIS, riding on the Doctor's shoulders. As they neared the blue box, he patted his pockets in search of the key. He was relieved to find the key in the lock. He was, however, rather upset to find the doors wide open.

He was positively outraged to find several dozen adolescent possums scampering around inside, getting into everything.

"Good Lord" cried Ian. "They're everywhere! And they've been drinking!" he added on seeing tiny beer bottles strewn about. 

"Stop this! Stop this at once!" shouted the Doctor as Maude jumped to the floor and began trying to shoo the youths out the door. "Everybody out!"

"Grandfather, look!" Susan pointed at the console where several of the possums were scrabbling at the controls. A female with a head of black fur succeeded in prying a smallish silver box off of one of the panels. As soon as she'd done this, Barbara felt a sharp, unpleasant sensation in her head. It was the oddest thing she'd ever felt, somewhere between actual pain and a tickle, and everything tasted purple for a moment. Ian appeared to be feeling the same way.

The feeling passed almost as soon as it came, and the furry little vandal danced triumphantly on top of the console chittering happily, wires dangling from the box. The Doctor pointed at her and shouted something. Susan made a grab for the possum, who scurried out of reach. Ian and Barbara tried to help catch her, seeing as that little box looked important. The young possums quickly began a game of keep-away, tossing the piece back and forth. Somehow, the black and white possum got hold of it again and disappeared out the door into the early morning light. The rest of the crowd followed.

Maude chattered and squeaked something that sounded like an apology. The Doctor was clearly upset, and launched into a loud diatribe while Susan tried to calm him down.

At least, that's what Barbara thought was going on. She shook her head, rubbed at her ear, and listened again, but she couldn't understand a word any of them were saying. Maude was making a lot of shrill, squeaking noises, and the Doctor and Susan were making strangely musical sounds that should have been impossible with one set of vocal chords.

"Barbara," Ian was clearly having the same problem, "what was that box that the possum ran off with?"


	2. What?

Maude stood awkwardly in the doorway of the TARDIS, unsure of what to do. On one hand, she really should be going home. It was getting late, and soon it would be too light to see. Of course, this was the one day when she hadn't bothered to bring her sunshades with her. She was confident that she could smell her way back to town, but being able to see would make things so much easier. Still, she wasn't sure it would be polite to leave so soon after those hooligans had damaged the alien's spacecraft. They seemed terribly upset about it. The poor dears had forgotten how to speak Bekkish! 

Susan winced as the Doctor uttered a particularly foul curse. She'd never seen him so angry before. She wasn't particularly pleased, either. The ship was their only link to their own planet. To have someone just waltz right in and start tearing it apart was an incredible violation. Grandfather had every right to be livid, but going off like this wouldn't get the translation circuit back any faster. If anything, he was frightening everyone else in the room. 

She looked over at Ian and Barbara who had backed away, expressions frozen in shock. They looked ready to run. The Doctor, oblivious to this, strode toward them.

"Well don't just stand there like a bunch of addled...! That little thief is out there somewhere with the translation circuit and I need all of you to help get it back! What's this, hmm?" As soon as the Doctor had started towards them, Ian had pulled Barbara behind him and raised his fists, ready to fight. "Don't you threaten me, Chesterton!"

"Grandfather, stop!" shouted Susan, throwing herself between them. "They don't understand you!" She urged him to step back.

"Hmm? Oh. Oh, yes...yes, of course. The circuit. " Some of his anger seemed to ebb. "This won't do, now will it? Hmm... Didn't you learn a few Earth languages one time?"

"Yes, but only Mandarin and Spanish." she replied. It had seemed like a good idea, as they were the most spoken languages on Earth...in the year 2000. "I think they only speak English."

"Try them anyway. We must be able to communicate with each other."

Susan turned to her friends, who eyed her warily. "你會說普通話嗎?" No response. "¿Hablan español?" Still nothing. They just stared at her as if she'd grown a second head; as if she were suddenly a stranger to them. 

The Doctor abruptly turned and strode back to the console in frustration. She hurried after him.

Barbara said something that would have gotten her sacked on the spot if she'd still been at Coal Hill.

"I don't know," replied Ian. "One second there's possums rioting, the next everyone else is babbling nonsense!" They clung to each other as they watched the Doctor and Susan speaking softly to each other. Something had definitely upset the old man. "The only thing I actually understood out of all that was my own name. Did you hear it?"

"Yes."

"Could this have something to do with that thing the possum stole off the console?"

"It's possible. That last thing Susan said to us just then- it sounded like Spanish. I think she was asking us if we spoke it."

Ian looked at her sceptically, "You're not telling me they don't speak English?" Barbara shrugged. "But... Well, they've always spoken perfect English before!"

"What if that was a device that allowed them to speak it? Oh, Ian, I know it sounds impossible, but what else could it be?"

"Well, I- I don't know," he said thoughtfully. "What if they're just having a laugh?" 

Barbara gave him a Look. "It's affected Maude, too. You heard her squeaking!" she said. Suddenly, things started to make more sense as her brain digested this information. "It's some sort of translating device. It must be, Ian. Have you noticed that everywhere we've gone, everybody speaks English? Even the aliens. Even the aliens who've never seen humans before. Even in ancient _Mexico_ , everyone spoke _modern English!_ "

Ian was slowly starting to come to the same conclusion. "All right, I can accept that the TARDIS is making it so we can understand people everywhere we go, but wouldn't it also have to translate us so other people can... That's what it does, doesn't it? But how could it possibly know what languages..." He paused, rubbing the back of his head.

"That strange feeling," said Barbara, "when that box was disconnected. The TARDIS has been putting other languages inside our minds." They looked at each other, unsure how to feel about that. "We need to find that box."

Susan grasped the Doctor's hands. "Grandfather, please!" she said, interrupting his muttered diatribe. "I know you're upset, but you must calm down! You're worrying Ian and Barbara." She nodded at the two, still huddled together on the other side of the room. "If we're going to fix this, we need to focus."

"I suppose you're right, child." he said. She could tell that he was still cross, but the worst of it was over and he was becoming more reasonable. "No sense in letting emotions get the better of us, eh?" He patted her shoulder, "Let's see now...of course we must go and find the possum that has the translation circuit. Did you see which one it was?"

"The one with the black patch of fur just here." 

"Hmm. Our best chance is to split up and search for her. The problem will be communicating this to the others."

"Have we got a spare circuit?"

"Goodness, child! If we had a spare, we wouldn't need to go gallivanting through the woods looking for the other."

"But even if we did, we shouldn't leave that kind of technology lying around on an underdeveloped planet," Susan pointed out. 

He chuckled. "Right you are, my dear! You have been paying attention, haven't you?" He looked out the door. The forest was lightening quickly. "We can't waste any more time. That little thief could be anywhere. We shall simply have to try explaining things to the others as best we can."

The Doctor motioned for everyone to come up to the console. Maude climbed right up and sat on the time rotor. Ian and Barbara hesitated slightly, but walked over anyway. "The translation circuit has been stolen." he said, "I need you three to help find the possum who took it."

"I think he's trying to ask us to go look for it," said Ian. The Doctor pointed at both of them, then the spot again, speaking in that strange language of his, but more slowly this time. He hesitated for a moment, then looked at Susan imploringly. She complied and did a passable imitation of a possum. "Okay, we're supposed to go after the possum that took the circuit. That's what you're saying, yes?"

"This isn't working. He hasn't the slightest idea." muttered the Doctor. Susan wondered if pad and paper would help. She quickly ran to the next room and found enough blank notebooks and pencils for everyone and passed them around.

Ian hastily scribbled out _Do you want us to go get that possum for you?_ and held it up for the others to see. The Doctor scoffed, wrote down his own message, and held it up. It was an indecipherable series of intricate lines and circles. Seeing Ian's confusion, Barbara said, "I think that's Doctor-ese for 'No, no, Chatterton! The translation circuit translates writing as well, you fool!'"

The Doctor flipped to a new page in his notebook. "Oh, for goodness...it's a simple instruction: Go find that possum! Must I spell it out?" He drew a picture of the translation circuit and pointed at it. "This! We need this!" He flipped to another page and quickly sketched a possum. "Find this!"

"A possum," said Ian. "That's what you want, right? You want us to go find that possum." He pointed at the drawing for emphasis.

"Possum!" Susan piped up in accented English. It didn't help as much as she'd hoped. Ian flipped a page in his notebook and began drawing. He held up a rough sketch of two stick figures in a stick forest, holding a ball of fur. 

"Do you want us to find the blasted thing or not?" he asked, annoyed.

"Ian, let's just go search for it," said Barbara wearily.

"What's that he's drawn, Susan? No, no, no! We're looking for the possum that stole the circuit! Do pay attention, dear boy! A possum!" For emphasis, he pointed at Maude who was patiently drawing something on her paper. Ian threw down his notebook in frustration and walked to the other side of the room.

"You," he pointed, "want us," he pointed again, "to _go find_ ," he exaggerated his movements as he pointedly looked under the cushions of the chaise lounge, "that possum!" He performed what he thought was an impression of a North American marsupial.

"Stop playing around, for goodness' sake!" the Doctor stormed over and yanked the cushion out of Ian's hands. As their conversation devolved into a shouting match, Barbara pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. After a few seconds of listening to their argument, she felt a tug on her elbow.

It was Susan. "Barbara," she said with her odd accent. She pointed at Barbara, then at herself, and held her hand just over her eyes in a 'searching' gesture. Next, she held up the picture, said "Possum!", and pointed out the open door. Barbara smiled and nodded her agreement. The two of them had started to leave when Maude ran in front of them, waving her notebook. She'd drawn a picture of herself shielding her eyes from the sun, looking sad. She pointed at the second picture, where she'd drawn herself some sunglasses and was looking quite content. She tapped the scribbled sunglasses and pointed at herself. Susan dug around in her pocket and found a real pair for Maude. 

The three of them walked briskly out into the forest.


	3. In Which The Plot Arrives

They made it back to the city at mid-morning. By this time, nearly all of the party goers had gone home to bed. Maude insisted on stopping at her house to get her own sunglasses. (specially designed, tinted, fitted goggles) She then took the picture of the possum with the black patch and led Susan and Barbara through the streets until they reached a particular tree. Through gesture, Maude indicated that this was where the younger possum lived. 

An older female answered the door, grumpy at haven been woken up. "What do you want?" she huffed.

"Terribly sorry for bothering you at this hour, Kita, but is your daughter in?"

"Which one?"

"The one with the fur. Rikki, isn't it?"

Kita took in the sight of Barbara and Susan standing in the background and gave a long-suffering sigh. "Oh, what's she done this time?"

"Stolen a piece off the aliens' ship."

Kita groaned. "Of course! First aliens to ever come to Bekberry and it's my daughter that goes and pulls a stunt like this! Takes after her father, you know."

"Yeah," Maude said sympathetically, "You see, they really need it back. I don't know what it does, but it seems to affect their speech. Poor things can hardly communicate anymore, you should have seen it-"

"Well, she's not here. She'll probably be out all day again. You might try the old bobo tree down by the river. If she's not there, I don't know what to tell you. But don't you worry. If she comes home with it, you can bet I'll have her get it right back to you!"

"That'd be lovely, thanks!"

Barbara waited patiently as Maude finished her business with the other possum. She hoped it had something to do with the whereabouts of the translation circuit and the other possum. (She'd started mentally referring to it as 'Patchy'.) How did that thing work, anyway? It made it so they could understand everyone else and vice-versa, that much was clear, but what did that mean? When they were in France, for example, had she been speaking French without knowing it? That feeling in her head; she'd felt something similar long ago, when the TARDIS had taken off with them for the first time. Had the ship done something to her mind? Barbara wasn't particularly pleased by the thought. She had so many questions she wanted to ask!

Another question occurred to her as she watched the two possums chatter at each other. Did the TARDIS translate nonverbal communication as well? Only earlier it had been easy to see these possums as people because they'd been so expressive. Now, a lot of their body language was harder to read, and they seemed to be more like trained animals. At least with Susan, the nonverbal signals were the same as always.

Come to think of it, were they? They'd tried to communicate a little through gesture on the walk over, but there were a few aspects that felt muddled. It was hard to describe. It was a bit like trying to keep time in a piece of music, and a few notes are ever so slightly late. The music was still playable, but those few odd notes made it vaguely disconcerting. Barbara wondered if Susan was thinking the same thing about her right now.

Susan was thinking about whether or not she should let Barbara know that she'd been wearing her cardigan inside-out all day.

Maude had apparently finished her chat and motioned for them to follow her. Susan was getting tired of walking in silence, and tried to think of something they could do. She really should have learned English. It wasn't helpful in the slightest to have only one word to speak to someone with. Unless...

She checked that Barbara was paying attention and pointed at Maude. "Possum." she said in English. Barbara nodded and repeated the word. "Possum." Susan said again. Barbara repeated it again. Then Susan pointed once more and said "Possum." both in English and in her own language. She did this two or three more times until Barbara caught on.

"Pah..." she began. Susan pronounced it slowly. "Pah...possuh...possum?" asked Barbara. Susan nodded, grinning broadly. "Possum!" Barbara said again, and they laughed.

As they walked, they taught each other words in their respective languages. In addition to 'possum', they also managed 'tree', 'sun', 'yes', 'no', and 'hello'. Most of the time, though, they took turns at attempting to repeat whatever the other had said. Barbara found Susan's words difficult to pronounce, but the look on Ian's face when he finally ran up to join them and they each greeted him in the other's language was well worth it.

"Don't _do_ that!" he exclaimed. "I thought I was going mad!"

"Where's the Doctor?" Barbara asked.

"He's right...well, I thought he was right behind me." About five minutes after the girls had left, they'd ended up with the beginnings of a pillow fight. Then they realised what they were doing and exchanged looks that they both understood to mean that they would never speak of this again. "And where were you two rushing off to?"

Barbara quickly explained the situation, informing him that Maude probably knew where they could find Patchy, and so they'd been following her. Susan managed to ask, through gesture, about where the Doctor was. In his notebook Ian drew a picture of the TARDIS, and she left to go find him. 

There came an impatient sort of chattering noise. Maude was clearly in a hurry, seeing as they'd already wasted half the day. They moved on.

***  
As Susan walked back to the ship, she remembered that she still had Maude's book in her pocket. She pulled it out and opened it to find that the previously legible text was now just a collection of meaningless characters. Well, what did she expect? At least she'd already read it. The book was part two of a trilogy, and while she supposed it would be better if she'd also read the first instalment, Maude had provided enough exposition for a reader to be able to follow along anyway.

The story took place about fifty years ago in this planet's timeline. After an unexpected solar eclipse, strange things began to happen. People disappeared under mysterious circumstances and turned up a few days later, looking haunted and disoriented; weather patterns changed without warning, and bits of landscapes would rearrange practically overnight. That was the plot of the first book. Then a mysterious blue box that carried a two-legged alien and his apprentice (Grandfather and herself, she supposed) who agreed to help solve this mystery. That was what the first book was about, Susan had extrapolated from the second. In the sequel, the 'alien' discovered that there was another race of two-leggeds on a floating city in the sky causing the trouble. They had grown tired of their domain, and were intent on taking the possum's world as their own. In the third book, she supposed it would involve the escalating war between the two species, and victory for the possums.

Susan recognised what had happened immediately. Either colonists or refugees had decided to settle on Bekberry, and had begun terraforming. Clearly, at some point in her and Grandfather's future, they would return to this planet in its past and stop the colonisation. She probably shouldn't have read the book in the first place. It was dangerous to know too much about one's own future. But the whole thing was told from the point of view of a species that had no knowledge of space travel, and so had taken a lot of liberties. In order to fit into a suitably dramatic, three-part structure, Maude had to have altered a lot of details.

She really was a brilliant author, though. Her writing style reminded Susan of a book series from Earth- the one with the wizard school and the dark lord. 

In the back of the book, there was a special preview chapter from one of Maude's upcoming books. This one was to be an encyclopaedia of mythical creatures, and the sample text was the entry for "Shadow Beast". The creature was described as an enormous monster that lurked in the darkest places in the forest- places too dark for even possums to see. Anyone it approached would feel a chill, then a sudden longing. It was looking for something. It wanted something, but nobody knew what, because it always disappeared, leaving behind only a set of footprints.

Footprints that looked exactly like the ones Susan had just tripped over. 

They were certainly large; large enough for her to fit both hands and feet inside. And they appeared to have been made by an animal with six toes on each foot, with claws. She gasped, and then scolded herself for letting her imagination run away with her. It was probably some local fauna, long gone by now. She continued on her way, unaware that she was being watched.

When she returned to the TARDIS, she thought it was empty at first. "Grandfather?" she called. The sound of someone moving things echoed from further within. Investigating, she found the Doctor rummaging around inside a cupboard. The hall outside was littered with boxes and various odds and ends. "What are you doing?" She asked as she picked her way through the mess.

"Hmm? Oh, it's you, Susan!" He had opened up another box and was digging through it. "I thought we might have a few portable translators lying about somewhere. Ah, here it is!" He pulled out a handful of electronics. "It seems we only have two, I'm afraid. We'll have to share." 

Each translator was composed of a small wireless earpiece that contained a speaker and a tiny microphone. The unit sent signals to another speaker, also wireless, that clipped on to the user's clothing. When a foreign language was spoken, the wearer would hear a translation in their ear. Likewise, whatever the wearer said would be translated and broadcast though the clip-on speaker.

"But they're so old!" exclaimed Susan. "They're practically antiques."

"Well..."

"And doesn't this model only do two languages at a time?"

"Yes, I know. If I'm correct, these were created before psychic link technology was perfected. They are a little piece of history, you might say. Primitive, yes, but they will have to do for the moment. Even a very elementary translation would be more efficient than all of this pantomiming."

They walked back into the console room as the Doctor attempted to test one of the portables. They didn't seem to be working. "Must be broken." He opened up one of the units. "This has certainly seen better days. Bring me my tool kit, would you, Susan?" 

***

"What are you doing?" asked Ian.

Barbara had been looking upwards, examining the tree branches. "Looking for Patchy. The possum, I mean," she added, remembering that she hadn't told him about her nickname.

"What, up there?"

"Possums hang from their tails, don't they? So we should search the trees as well."

"Well, yes we should check the trees, but they won't be hanging upside-down," said Ian. "That's just a myth."

She stopped her tree-gazing. "But we saw them doing just that last night."

"The babies do. Adult possums don't because their tails can't support their weight. What they do is use their tails to help them balance, along with the thumbs on their feet." 

"But these possums already have an extra set of thumbs. Perhaps they can hang from their tails as well?"

Ian shook his head. "I doubt it. Apart from their hands, they look just like possums on Earth."

They continued walking. "So no hanging by their tails. How do you know so much about possums anyway?" Barbara thought that their adventures always seemed to be educational in one way or another.

"I used to know a man who was interested in animal biology. He used to talk-GAH!" Ian exclaimed as he ran into Maude, who was hanging upside-down by her tail at face height in order to get their attention. Once he had recovered and removed her from his head, she chattered something and pointed out a particular tree on the riverbed. "Patchy must be in there."

Meanwhile, inside the tree, Rikki was meeting up with her friends for their weekly LARP session. It was like a sort of long-form improvisation game in which they enacted various scenarios based off the stories in Maude's science-fiction works. A designated Storyteller oversaw the sessions, making sure everyone stuck to the rules, awarding skill and experience points, and getting new players set up.

They were all very excited this week, because Rikki had brought a piece of an actual spacecraft, a feat which earned her fifteen skill points. (The gameplay book didn't say anything about this type of situation, so the Storyteller took a few liberties.) They were even more excited, because it seemed that some of the Twolegs had come to join them. 

"Okay, here's what we do," said the Storyteller as he peered out into the light. "Everyone get your sunshades on. When they get close enough, I'll give the signal and we'll all run out. We've got to get Rikki and the thingy to the other side of the clearing, and we win, all right?"

As soon as Barbara and Ian came within a yard of the tree, they were surprised by a passel of possums that suddenly emerged from within. About ten or so adolescents, all chattering loudly, scurried wildly about, making it incredibly difficult to catch one without injuring the others.

Maude hid her face in her hands as she watched the humans flailing around among the kids. "You idiots!" she moaned. "I told you _I_ would go down and talk to them! You only had to wait here!"

"Gotcha!" Ian made a flying tackle for Rikki and succeeded in grabbing her with both hands. By now, most of the other possums had scattered, escaping up a tree, leaving three or four that had started to play dead. He started to reach for the circuit, but before he could grab it she had stuffed it into her pouch. She stuck out her tongue at him."Why, you little-!" Rikki just hung from his hands, looking very smug.

The thing about a possum's pouch is that it's not like the pouch of, say, a kangaroo. While they share certain properties, a possum's pouch is a bit more...internal. Although they really needed the translation circuit, Ian didn't think it would be very proper for him to just go in after it.

"Did you get it?"

"Barbara, I need your help." Ian walked over to her, holding out the wriggling possum. "She's stuck the circuit in her pouch. Could you just reach in...?"

Rikki hissed at Barbara, and she recoiled. "Can't you do it?"

"I would, but, well..." Was he blushing? "Look, just stick your hand in-"

"I'm not sticking my hand in a possum!"

By now, Rikki had grown tired of hanging around and bit Ian's hand, causing him to drop her. She scampered off to join her mates, who cheered when she climbed up to the high branches. Ian and Barbara looked down to see Maude standing at their feet, looking very cross. 

"And I suppose you have a better idea?" asked Ian. 

Maude was about to reply when they heard a rustling in the bushes.

***  
The Doctor, after a solid hour of tinkering, declared the portable translators completely useless. Nothing he'd tried could make them work. He turned away to put his tools away and Susan leaned forward for a closer look at one of the units. She surreptitiously flicked a tiny switch from "off" to "on" and the unit crackled to life. 

"Grandfather, I think it's working now."

Taking both portables, they went to see where Ian and Barbara had gone to. They had just arrived at the outskirts of the city when Maude darted out from the undergrowth, Ian following quickly behind her. Both looked very frantic.

"Slow down there, Chittington!" said the Doctor into one of the translators, "Where have you been? And where's Barbara?"

"Slow there, Chittington! Where do you go? Which Barbara?" chirped the speaker. Ian was taken aback by the sudden use of the portable device. The juxtaposition of the Doctor's language and the oddly-accented English that the speaker produced was disorienting. Susan handed him the other translator, quickly indicating how he was supposed to use it.

"What happened here?" asked the Doctor, the device translating it as "Do you happen now?"

"What are these?" Ian asked. ("What is the word?")

"Be serious! What's happened? And where is Barbara?" ("He is considered to be serious! What to eat? Barbara?")

Ian looked at him strangely, then said "Look, I don't know what it is you were trying to say, or if you'll even understand this, but Barbara's gone! They've taken her!"

The severity of the situation was drastically undercut by his translator coming out with "You will see the difference here is Barbara!"


	4. To The Rescue! Maybe!

General Blackburn was not a possum to be trifled with. He'd seen a lot of things in his years of service: the war with the Dillos from the southern part of the continent, two major floods that threatened to wipe out major cities, and aliens.

Aliens.

He'd been there when the first Twolegs visited, almost fifty years ago. Those had been dark times. A lot of good possums had died, but mercifully it hadn't lasted long. So many possums had been traumatised by the first wave of aliens that a massive cover-up had been arranged. Witnesses were bribed, cover stories concocted, and a great effort made to explain away the earth-shaking events. After a few years, society preferred the lie. It was necessary, after all, to prevent total anarchy. Bekberry simply wasn't ready to handle the fact that possums weren't alone in the universe, and they especially weren't ready to contend with creatures far more technologically advanced than themselves. It was all in everyone's best interests.

Sure, there was the odd Truther, possums who tried to set the story straight, but they were widely regarded as nutters. It helped that nowadays there were few possums who could remember what had actually happened, and fewer who wanted to. The only written record of what had actually occurred was left in the possession of the Archivist, who had passed away several years ago, taking the secret to his grave. He'd hidden the papers in a secure location, and now there was nothing at all available to remind the public of those events.

But now the Twolegs were back. Surely this should have brought about a mass panic, but instead the people had celebrated! They threw a festival for a bunch of Twolegs! Four of them, travelling in a magical blue box. A box which coincidentally fit the description of the one that had brought their salvation the first time it had appeared. Blackburn was wary, though. As he recalled, the records only accounted for half of these aliens. Two of them fit the descriptions of the ones that had arrived before. (Well, as close as he could tell. Twolegs all looked the same.) 

The other two, though, now they could pose a real threat. There had been strange things happening again. It started out with seemingly mundane events: odd noises in the woods, unidentifiable tracks on the ground, and then things started getting serious. Properties on the outskirts of town had been damaged and people had been reported missing. General Blackburn believed in learning from the past, and since Twolegs had been responsible for this sort of thing the last time, it stood to reason that they were the cause of the problem this time.

Blackburn wasn't about to let history repeat itself, which was why he'd sent out a small platoon to capture the two undocumented aliens. Unfortunately, the Twolegs were a lot stronger than he'd expected and had given his troops the biggest challenge of their lives. They'd only had enough resources to subdue and retrieve only one. It had been kept sedated all the way to a secret underground facility just on the edge of the Capitol.

Now the General was having his top scientists examine the alien. They needed to learn all they could about these creatures if they wanted to have the advantage. It was still unconscious, locked up inside a special holding room with a large observation window. "Dr. Stiller!" he barked at a group of researchers crowded around the window, "Report!"

One of the possums broke free of the group and scurried over, reading glasses askew on her nose. "Sir!" she saluted, "We've only managed a cursory examination, but we're almost certain that it's an adult female, although she doesn't seem to have a pouch."

"Anything else?"

"We won't know much else until she wakes up, sir," she said apologetically. "Besides, we've only got a skeleton crew for the day shift. We can't get the rest of the team in here until nightfall. Union rules, and all..."

"Hmph! Very well, then. What's that thing Jiff and Squigly are holding?"

"It appears to be a cardigan, sir. People usually wear them when it's cold out."

"I can see that, Stiller!" Blackburn snapped. "What's the other thing? Did it shed its pelt?" 

The other possums held the item up for a better view. "It looks like a blouse, sir. We believe that these aliens wear them daily to cover their baldness."

They'd walked over to the window by this point, and the General pointed at something in the observation room. "That band of cloth around the upper torso, is that more clothing? How many layers does one need!"

"We're unsure of the purpose of that particular garment, sir. Visual examination revealed it has metal hooks in the back. We're leaving it alone for now, as it might be a trap."

"Good thinking, Stiller." Blackburn sniffed. "Awfully big, these aliens. They're not carnivorous, are they? If they are, we're going to need additional security in here."

"Botch is performing the dental exam now, sir."

There came a loud scream, and then Botch flew into the window with a resounding SMACK. "It's awake!" somebody shouted. A mad scramble broke out as the possums on guard duty dashed into the room to retrieve the fallen scientist while fending off the now very aggressive alien. Botch was safely evacuated, but he'd gone into a defensive coma. The General started to shout orders, but was interrupted by Dr. Stiller.

"With all due respect, sir, we're not going to learn anything with her agitated like this. The best course of action is to let her cool off for a few hours and go from there."

Blackburn was reluctant to agree, but he eventually gave in. He left the research station with instructions to keep an eye on the creature and to have a full report by the time he returned. Dr. Stiller breathed a sigh of relief. "Good thing he's out of the way." she said to one of her colleagues, "I was afraid he was going to find out that everything we know about these aliens, we learned from reading sci-fi!"

***  
For a long time, Barbara had just relaxed and enjoyed the pretty colours that danced through her dreams in her drug-induced slumber. A few times she had come close to wakefulness, but she'd felt another wave of exhaustion come over her before she was conscious enough to care about anything happening around her. Eventually, she'd worked her way into a light sleep and her muddled thoughts began to sort themselves out.

She'd been moved to someplace else. She supposed she should be more concerned, but she was very tired and whatever she was resting on was very comfortable. Five more minutes couldn't hurt...but what was that noise? It was a mix of scrabbling and squeaking. Was something moving around? As she slowly regained consciousness, the memory of the previous events came back to her. Her eyes snapped open in the dim light, and she was greeted with the sight of a possum in a little hazmat suit sitting on her chest, trying to get its paws in her mouth.

Barbara expressed her displeasure by chucking it across the room as hard as she could. 

It collided with a window, and she saw that she was in some sort of observation room. A group of possums stood on the other side of the glass, watching her. With a sudden shock, she realised that most of her clothes were missing. She covered herself with her arms as several possums burst in through a little door, armed with tiny swords, in order to retrieve their fallen colleague. The door was too small for her to escape through, but she was at least able to vent some of her anger by shouting at them. (Something along the lines of "Furry little perverts!")

They hurried out of her cell and she moved to the window, stooping slightly due to the low ceiling. The possums in the other room were certainly excited about something. Probably her, she guessed, judging by the way they were chittering and pointing. Some of them wore lab coats while others wore brown sashes decorated with pins and insignias. Scientists and soldiers, most likely. Some wore nothing at all, like most of the possums on this planet. It was difficult for Barbara to tell them all apart from one another, but two of them stuck out: a scientist with glasses, and a soldier with a beret. 

That one looked to be a much higher-ranking officer than the others. After what appeared to be a hurried discussion with the other scientist, it marched purposely out of the room, leaving Barbara alone with the rest of them. She studied her cell, if only to pretend to avoid all those eyes on her. It was a small space, but large enough for her to lie down and walk around a bit. The floor was covered with some kind of moss. Wiggling her toes in it, she noticed they'd taken her shoes as well. In one corner, there were bowls of fruit and water.

Perfect. Just perfect. She was stuck in a primitive lab as a specimen for all these scientists to study, with no way to communicate with them. And things had been going so well yesterday. She eyed the possums. Well, surely they realised she was an intelligent being. Even if none of these possums had been at the party last night, they certainly would have heard about it. Perhaps if she showed them she could speak, they'd release her.

She knocked on the window and said "Hello? There's been a misunderstanding, will you please let me out? Or at least give me back my clothes?"

"She can talk!" exclaimed Dr. Stiller. "Quick, someone grab a paper and pen! And get some linguists in here! I want this language deciphered so we can make her feel more welcome." She pointed at two of the interns. "You two, try and get her to say more things."

This wasn't the reaction Barbara had wanted. It had only made the possums more excited. She tried several more attempts at talking to them, but they just scribbled more notes while two of them tried to mimic the words she spoke. Trying hard to remember that modesty was not very high on her list of priorities at the moment, she used her arms to signal that she wanted out of there. All that accomplished was making a roomful of possums copy all of her gestures. Feeling like an aerobics instructor, Barbara groaned in frustration and sat down.

Seventeen possums did the same.

***

It had taken a long time, but through gesture, scribble, and carefully worded translations, Ian finally managed to explain to the Doctor and Susan what had happened. It had taken even more time for them to show him that they understood what he was trying to say. At some point in the conversation, Maude had gone back to town. She returned with the mayor and several police officers in tow.

"Don't worry, I've got it all under control." she said as the Doctor quickly switched his translator to Bekkish. Susan switched Ian's for him, since these things only did speech and not writing. "We're almost certain that they've taken your friend to the Capitol, since that's where they'll have a space to put her. She won't be harmed, it's all military posturing. Probably just overreacting. You all haven't caused any trouble since you've been here, so there's no reason for this. Anyway, we're all going to go down there right now to sort this out once and for all."

What they heard was "We certainty will be to a place the Capitol friend. Each will not be hurt, all military locations. Maybe just react. This will cause problems, so there is no reason to, but now we want to go to resolve the issue." At least the last bit was understandable. They set off immediately, possums scurrying ahead on all fours.

"Grandfather," Susan began, "shouldn't one of us stay behind to look for the translation circuit?"

The Doctor shook his head. "I believe that would only invite more problems, since we're currently unable to communicate with each other or anyone on this planet. No, better to stay close, child. I don't want you getting kidnapped, either."

"What about Ian?"

"Hmm? Oh, he's a strong, young man. He can take care of himself," he said dismissively.

Susan started to reply, but saw the twinkle in his eye and realised he was joking. "Oh, Grandfather!" She giggled.

He smiled. "First we'll get Barbara back, then we'll find the circuit. It's likely that the general Maude told me about last night has jumped to conclusions about our presence here. Fortunately, since Maude and the mayor already know us, they can vouch for us and get Barbara set free. Once this whole matter is out of the way, we ought to be able to search for the translation circuit properly."

Ian had tried to ask Maude about what they should expect when they arrived at the Capitol, but the portable translator garbled their words so much that it was pointless. He tried to switch it back over so he could talk with the Doctor and Susan, but he couldn't read any of the settings on the dial. After a while, he just switched it off. Listening to two incredibly different-sounding languages was odd enough without it being mixed with a vague approximation of an English accent.

Come to think of it, the language situation was the strangest thing about this whole business. Racing to the rescue with talking possums? Surprisingly normal. Well, that was his life now.

They'd been walking for a while, when Susan felt the slightest tug at the edges of her mind. She dismissed it as nothing at first, then felt it again. Looking around, she saw a figure following them at a distance. It was a possum wearing a dark orange hooded robe. When it saw that she'd spotted it, it motioned for her to follow it.

When she shook her head no, it beckoned again. She pointed it out to the rest of the group, at which point it dashed away. The other possums didn't seem to be too worried about it, so they walked on.

It was twilight by the time they made it to the Capitol. With the glare of the sun gone, the possums removed their sunshades and led the way into the city. The residents of Capitol City reacted with varying degrees of surprise at the sudden appearance of aliens in their midst, but many of them seemed to have been expecting this. Apparently, a group of possums from the other city had come along to help. Susan recognised Philly waving at her from across the street. As they walked through the city, more and more possums started following them: some out of curiosity, others to show their support.

When they arrived at what was presumably the place where Barbara had been taken, they found that a lot more possums had turned out to help the cause. In the clearing before a large, official-looking tree was a huge crowd of protesters. Many carried signs with scribbly slogans. A few were leading others in rousing chants.

Ian was amused to see that the majority of them were wearing tiny cardigans.

***

"Now, see here General," said the mayor. "You can't just go around arresting people just because they happen to be a different species." The two were situated in a conference room that overlooked the crowded town square. 

"It's a matter of national security." General Blackburn replied, "And quite frankly, I'm shocked at the way you've been handling the situation! Why didn't you report these creatures as soon as they arrived?"

"They seemed nice enough."

"Nice?! Murray, you don't even know who they are! Or what they are. You don't know their intentions, or what damage they could cause, or-"

"Now just a minute! I'll have you know they personally assured us that they have no hostile intentions." At Blackburn's raised eyebrow, the mayor added, "Well, that was when they could talk. Apparently some young hoodlum vandalised their ship and it did something...look, the point is these are the first aliens to visit and they've been perfectly nice. I don't see what all this fuss is about!"

Blackburn moved to the window. "The point is that I'm responsible for the safety of all those people out there. And when things like this happen, it's my job to keep a close eye on any possible threats."

"But they're not a threat. See? All those people out there love the aliens!" said the mayor. "Er, except for that one group in the back. Moral values protestors. But then again they've never liked Maude's books anyway."

The General turned to look at him. "Maude's books?"

"Yeah. That lot's always going around trying to get them removed from school libraries. They really get up in arms about the ones she wrote about the orphan and the magic school, but no one takes them seriously anymore."

"No, I mean what do books have to do with anything?"

"What, you've never read any of Maude's stuff? She's very popular with the science fiction crowd, you know."

"Science fiction?"

"Yes. See, she's got this trilogy in progress..." The summary the mayor gave provided a shockingly accurate description of the alien encounter that had been covered up fifty years ago. But that information was classified. How had she found out? 

"Murray, you go and inform those Twolegs that they're currently under investigation until I am satisfied that they pose no threat to this society. And while you're at it, I want to see Maude in my office immediately."

***

Back in the observation room, the researchers who had been working the day shift had gone home, leaving only a few guards to wait for the arrival of the night crew. Seeing as things had been pretty quiet for a while, they had gathered around one of the desks to play cards. Another sentry came in.

"You're all needed outside," he said, "We're short on officers to help with crowd control."

"What about her?" one of the guards asked, pointing. "We're not supposed to leave her alone."

"Look, it's getting pretty bad out there. We've got a few hundred protesters blocking traffic, fights are breaking out, and some of the Concerned Mothers have gone and attacked another Twoleg. We desperately need backup!"

"But-"

"They can't see in the dark like we can, right? Just turn off the lights! Maybe she'll go to sleep or something, just get out here!"

Barbara perked up as she saw the possums leave the room. She'd spent the past hour sitting in the corner being as uninteresting and uneducational as she could manage. Now, though, it seemed like it was finally her chance to escape.


	5. The Waiting Game

Earlier that day, Rikki's LARP group had climbed down from the tree to continue their game. Because it had been getting late, some of the players had gone home. Rikki had stayed for a little while longer until she noticed that the shiny box thing was gone. She assumed one of her friends had taken it. Oh, well. She'd get it back later. Right now, she was tired and finally decided to leave. Under cover of day, she snuck back into her room and collapsed into bed. She had nothing to do tomorrow, so she could look forward to sleeping in that night. 

At least until her mum found her.

***

With the lights out, it was pitch black in the observation room. Fortunately for Barbara, she had spent the past hour or so studying the layout of the room. The guards could return at any moment, so she acted quickly. She stood up and carefully found her way over to the large window. Feeling along the wall, she located the little door. It was raised off of the ground a few feet because the room on the other side was much smaller than the room she was in. The door was strong enough for a possum, but with enough force she was able to break the lock. 

The problem, however, was that the door was still too small for her to fit through. She crouched on the steps and tried to figure out her next move, trying to stay calm. They had to have gotten her in here, hadn't they? Therefore it stood to reason that there had to be a way to get out. Once again, she felt around. The walls were all made of dirt, it seemed. Was she underground? Not a pleasant thought...

Her fingers brushed the wood frame of the door, then the area around it. She realised that it was actually a small door built into a larger one. It was locked, too, but Barbara reached through the little door and unlatched it. After some pulling, it slid neatly into the wall and she was free!

Well, almost. She climbed into the other room, but as it was made for possums there was no room for her to stand. At least there was a set of double-doors that would accommodate her. She opened one to allow dim light to enter the room. Looking down at herself, she decided that the first order of business was to find where her clothes had gotten to. 

She tried the storage cupboard in the corner, but the only thing she could find was a piece of cloth a little smaller than a bath towel, and what appeared to be two banners with scribbly possum writing. Tied around her waist, the larger cloth made a halfway decent sarong that almost came down to her knees. The two banners, tied together, she wrapped around her chest with the ends knotted securely in front, making a passable halter top. (She had to go back in her cell to get enough room to pull off that manoeuvre.)

With her modestly restored, Barbara crawled out into the hallway of the complex. She hoped it wouldn't be too difficult to find an exit.

***

Susan supposed that she should really go help Ian, but the scene in front of her was just too ridiculous. In addition to the protesters who were supporting their cause, there was a small group of counter-protesters that didn't seem to like them very much. Somehow, Ian had unwittingly drawn the ire of a group of middle-aged possums, who were now attacking him with their handbags. Of course it was more likely for him to hurt them, which was why he kept trying to step away, but they kept following him, whacking his knees and squeaking angrily.

She was sure that whatever Ian was saying to her translated into something along the lines of annoyance for laughing at him.

Meanwhile, Maude had fallen asleep next to her. She was exhausted after being up all day and walking so far, so Susan had let her sleep while the mayor had gone to speak to whoever was in charge around here. Despite the fact that they could no longer understand each other, the other possums still seemed friendly towards them. Philly had come over to try and talk with her, but the Doctor had gone off with the portable translator. Her friend had stayed regardless, and was pretending to translate everything she said to the other possums. She hoped he wasn't doing too much damage. Philly was nice, but he wasn't very bright.

A few soldiers arrived and, to Ian's relief, shooed away the agitated female possums.

"Right, move back!" shouted Captain Tam. "General's orders! The Twolegs are to be approached by authorised personnel only!"

Deena, president of the Concerned Mothers group, refused to back down. "Absolutely not! You go tell Blackburn that we're not standing for this sort of thing on our planet!"

"Look, it's for your own safety, so just get back behind the line-"

"And what about the safety of our children? First they go reading those horrible books about spaceships and aliens and all sorts of immorality, next thing you know we've got aliens showing up right at our doors! How are we supposed to explain this to our children? Some of us are trying to raise families, you know." The rest of the group voiced their agreement.

"Go stand behind that line!"

"We've got every right to be here! We pay our taxes, and we're not having our children shaving themselves bald and hacking off their tails to go gallivanting around in space! You know how kids imitate what they see. We told people that Maude's books were bad news, but did they listen? No! And don't you deny that Maude's involved- I see her over there. Not enough for her to encourage bad behaviour, she's got to go and bring in extraterrestrials to corrupt our young! Well, not in this town!"

"At least stop hitting this one."

"You keep an eye on him, I know his type. Going around being all exotic and mysterious. He'll be after our daughters, you just wait and see!"

"Duly noted, now move along!"

With great effort, the guards managed to push the Concerned Mothers back behind a rope line that had been set up in an effort to control the crowd. They stood there, glaring suspiciously at Ian who had gone to sit next to Susan. "I wonder what that was all about." he said.

"Yes." She shrugged. It took a second for him to remember that she was only repeating the English words she'd learned earlier. He decided to keep talking anyway.

"Lucky the possums in the sashes put a stop to it."

"No."

"Judging by their clothes, I'd say they're military of some sort."

"Yes."

"I wonder what's taking the mayor so long? It's only a misunderstanding, right? We'll have Barbara back again in no time."

"No."

"Well, you're certainly optimistic!"

"Yes!"

About then, the Doctor returned with the mayor. "It seems we're not entirely out of the woods yet." he said. "Apparently, General Blackburn is not entirely satisfied that we are harmless. At least, that's what I heard through this unreliable old thing." he held out the portable translator, "Hmph! It shorted out. Useless..."

"But what does he want, Grandfather?"

"I don't know. Perhaps he wishes to speak with Maude?" He pointed to where the mayor was shaking her awake. The two possums chattered back and forth for a bit before Maude hurried off looking apprehensive. "Hmm. He must want to hear more than one testimony." The Doctor sat down beside Ian and Susan. "Oh, and I figured it's been a while since we had all eaten, so I found more of these." From his pockets he produced a few Bekkish oranges and passed them around.

As Susan eagerly peeled hers, she noticed several of the soldiers talking to Philly and hoped he hadn't gone and gotten himself into trouble as well.

"So you're saying you know the aliens' language?" asked Captain Tam.

Philly nodded. "Of course! It's all about getting into the right state of mind, you know? You gotta be open to other cultures and just listen. See, it's all about the vibe, and when you get the right vibe going..."

"Can you communicate with them or not?"

"Absolutely."

"Okay, I need you to inform the aliens that the General wants to interrogate them personally, and that they're to stay exactly where they are until he gets here. Can you do that?"

"Certainly!" Philly saluted. "Let me just get the vibe started..." he rubbed his temples and proceeded to hum while spinning around and hopping on one leg. "...yeah. Yeah, that's a good vibe!" He danced over to Susan who, along with Ian and the Doctor, had been watching with mild confusion. Then, he slowly and carefully shouted "THE GENERAL WANTS TO TALK WITH YOU! DON'T GO ANYWHERE!" Turning to Captain Tam, he explained, "That's the first part. Now I have to repeat that in words they know."

Susan stared as Philly began to mimic things he'd heard her say, mangling the syllables into complete gibberish, while performing elaborate gestures. When he finished, the Doctor asked, "What's this? What is he trying to say?"

"I think he's trying to ask Ian out."

"Oh, we don't have time for...tell him Ian's not interested."

"Look," said Ian, "just because I can't understand you doesn't mean I don't know you're talking about me!"

Tam pulled Philly aside. "Did they understand that?" 

"Oh, yes. They hear you loud and clear, sir!" With that, Philly went off with some of his friends. 

Captain Tam just sighed and instructed his troops to clear the rest of the perimeter. Oh, and to keep an eye on the Concerned Mothers. One of them was already trying to sneak back across the line.

***

Barbara tried not to panic. A lot of the halls weren't large enough for her, which made her choice of exit routes fairly limited. She knew that if she kept going she was bound to find a way out sooner or later, assuming she didn't get herself stuck along the way. Stuck underground in a dark, cramped, possum-infested hole. She shuddered. Yes, she knew that they weren't rodents, but that didn't make it any better. They had to have noticed she'd escaped by now, and it was only a matter of time until they caught up with her. She tried to crawl faster.

Suddenly, as she was rounding a particularly difficult corner, she heard a familiar scrabbling sound. Before she could react, six armed possums appeared around another corner in front of her. She was trapped; unable to back up. Instinctively, Barbara dropped to the ground and covered her head with her arms. She could hear the possums approaching and braced herself. Little paws started pushing at her, trying to make her go back. As if she would, Barbara thought. These soldiers probably had order to not harm her, seeing as they had yet to point any weapons in her direction. Perhaps she could turn this to her advantage. What did she know about possums?

They could see fairly well in the dark. They were nocturnal. They had thumbs on their feet. They played dead. 

Wait, when did they play dead? When they were frightened. But was it an intentional trick, or a reflex they couldn't control? She'd always heard that they did it on purpose, but then again she'd also heard that they could hang by their tails. (Well, Earth possums couldn't.) But suppose it was a reflex? She'd just have to spook them enough, and they'd either faint or at least get scared enough to leave her alone. Though she wasn't overly fond of these possums, she didn't want to scare them to death.

This sentiment lasted only until one of them began to prod her with his sword. She took a few moments to prepare herself, then quickly sprang up with the most horrifying face she could make. 

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGHHHH!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Now she was looking at six possums with all four paws in the air. Gingerly, she pushed them into a side passage so she had room to manoeuvre. They were all out cold, but one of them still seemed to be conscious.

Private Fritter was not having a good day. He'd overslept again, and thanks to the unusual amount of traffic in the city he'd been embarrassingly late for duty. After being thoroughly chewed out by his commanding officer, he'd been assigned to a search team. Somehow, an alien that was being held for observation had gotten loose in the building. There were more in the city near Town Hall (Fritter was sorry he'd missed that.) and this one needed to be recaptured.

Well, Fritter was excited to get to see his first alien. He hadn't expected it to be quite so large, though. Other than that, it looked remarkably like the ones described in the books he had read. His team had been discussing the best way to coax it back when it had made the most awful noise. The others had gone into defensive comas, but Fritter had never been much good at those. He always ended up fully aware yet temporarily paralysed until the effect wore off. Fortunately for him, his always lasted shorter than they were supposed to, but it was still a terrifying experience.

It seemed that the alien wanted to finish them off. It...wait, she...started to reach for them, and Private Fritter's heart pounded in his chest. Oh, actually she seemed to be moving them all out of her way. Okay, nothing bad was going to happen. Now all Fritter had to do was wait for her to pass so he could run and go get help. His paralysis was rapidly wearing off. Before he could make a break for it, the alien noticed him and seemed to get an idea.

She reached over and pulled his sword off, scabbard and all. In doing so, she managed to get his necklace tangled up with it, taking it off with the sword. Fritter gasped. It was just a polished stone on a chain, but for him it was important. His late mother had given that to him once, and he wasn't about to let it go. Fritter lunged for it, legs still somewhat shaky. 

The alien looked taken aback, then realised that he was going after the necklace and not the sword. She moved her hands out of his reach and quickly wrapped it around her wrist, shaking her head no. Too late, Fritter remembered that he should go and get help, but he'd barely started running when the alien grabbed his tail, holding him there. She picked up his sword with her other hand and started scratching something in the floor.

Fritter cursed himself. He was going to get written up again, he just knew it. What was she drawing, anyway? And for that matter, why was she wearing their national flag around her lower torso?

She gently tugged on his tail and motioned at whatever she'd just drawn. Fritter looked to see a series of crude images. One looked like the outdoors, several were alien stick figures, and one was a possum like him. Pointing to herself, Fritter, and the drawings, she seemed to be asking that he lead her outside. If he could take her back to her friends, she'd give back the necklace.

Now that she wasn't growling, Fritter thought she looked a lot more harmless. Then again, he was thinking again of the aliens in his book. Hadn't they been nice? Some of them turned out to be the heroes, too. Perhaps this one was just as scared as he was. But helping her escape would be disobeying his orders. Then again...if there were others like her waiting by Town Hall, it would make more sense to keep them all together, wouldn't it? And he was certain that he'd heard somebody say that the General wanted to interrogate the aliens, so why not have them all in one spot? 

He nodded to show that he'd do it. In addition to his necklace, she also had his sword and a firm grip on his tail. The rest of the team was out cold, and if she wasn't a nice alien she could very easily injure him before backup came along. Or worse. Anyway, there was a good chance they'd run into another patrol before they reached the exit.

With her still holding his tail, they awkwardly made their way down the hall.

***

There wasn't much they could do but wait. The Doctor hoped that Maude could say the right things to get Barbara released so they could continue their search for the translation circuit. It was terribly inconvenient without it, and he hated not knowing what was going on. Their arrival had caused a lot of commotion indeed, and while the people here had been welcoming enough the night before, he wasn't sure that their good will would hold out. Right now, the three of them were sitting under a tree next to Town Hall, surrounded by guards. 

The guards could possibly be there to keep the crowd at bay. Certainly they'd been helpful when some disgruntled-looking females had crept over and began to harass Ian. (There was no way he would believe that the Doctor hadn't found that amusing.) But those guards could just as easily be there to keep an eye on him and his companions. He didn't like it.

"Grandfather?" Susan said again, snapping him out of his thoughts. "I'm going to go get a drink of water. There's a public well just over there." She pointed down the street.

"Very well. Just hurry back," he said, "and do be careful."

"I will."

Susan made her way to the well. Last night, she'd learned that indoor plumbing was a fairly recent development on this planet, but there were still many wells in operation. It was partly out of nostalgia and partly out of tradition. This one was some distance from the crowd, and while a few possums stopped to stare, she was able to get some water without being bothered. The bucket made a handy little cup, she thought as she placed it back. 

She looked up and saw the strange hooded possum from earlier standing further down the street. He motioned for her to follow him. 

"I've told you already, no!" she said. The possum reached into his robes and pulled out a familiar silver box. She gasped, "How did you get that?" He held it out to her, and she walked over. Just as she was about to reach for the circuit, he darted further down the road.

"You little...!" exclaimed Susan. "Bring that back! Please? We need that for the ship."

The possum dropped to all fours and broke into a run. Susan sprinted after him, trying to catch up as he led her out of the city and into the woods.


End file.
